Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dream time

I awoke early this morning from a low level anxiety dream. Familiar yet different. Since before I was ordained I've dreamed of being in front of a congregation and being ignored, or not being able to communicate, or being so disorganised and unprepared that I just can't get the service started. It happens still, every now and then, after forty years.

What was different this time was that I was in a vast church building, full of people. They were all praying, waiting on God, not waiting for me to get things started, as they were already worshipping. They were waiting for me to teach them from the Word, lead them in meditation, offer them something that would take their worship to a new level. And I had no trouble about what to say, or about being listened to, only about being organised and getting myself to the place in this vast throng from where I could feed all these spiritually hungry people.

There's never been a vast crowd like this in any of those previous anxiety dreams. It's been rare throughout my working life that I've ever had that privilege - even the full church in Geneva was only 150 people at festivals. Mine has been a ministry through the generation of decline - perhaps that itself has been a source of perennial anxiety.

I don't know what to make of this.

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